because of the shit you do. i'm getting mad and annoyed and tired with the same routine. you know everything that i don't like, but you just keep on doing it after all the sorries and " i'll change " and the " i'll listen to you always " and all that fake ass bullshit. you can't atleast get away from it for a day. i don't wanna care about all this shit. i don't wanna care if you go out, i wanna be okay with it. but i can't. because i'm just so used to your fcukign presence always being there, keeping me company. when i'm mad, what i just really want is for you to fcuking listen to what i don't want, and i don't need to tell you, you'll just know. i just honestly want you to just stay with me when i'm mad, don't leave me and go with your friends and shit to just get over the problem. i really want this to be the last time i'm telling you this. because i'm so sick of the same shit coming around and around and around every week. getting mad at the same fcuking shit, caring about the same fcuking shit. i don't want to fcuking care about all this little shit anymore, why can't i be okay with it, why can't i let you be, why can't i just let you smoke and ruin your fcuking health, why can't i let you skip and fail your fcuking subjects? IT'S BECAUSE, I FCUKING CARE. i don't want you to get sicksick, i don't want any shit to ruin your lungs, i don't want you to get all this brain damage from the drinking. I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU EARLY WHEN WE GET OLDER JUST BECAUSE YOU STARTED DOING ALL THIS SHIT WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG.

but it's okay, whenever you go drink, i'll just let you, i'll just stay here waiting and crying for you to come home drunk. i'll let you skip and have teachers come up to you and say " are you planning on dropping the course? " i'll just let my mind go crazy knowing that youre gonna redo the subject next year. i'll let you smoke, and come to me smelling all good from all that cologne you sprayed on yourself just so i wouldn't notice you smoked. i'll let you stay out with your friends till 11PM or whenever, and i'll be sleeping alone, probably crying all worried because something bad might happen. ya, it'll be so good for you, while it'll leave me hurting with all these thoughts. but honstly, i don't think i deserve all this. a good girl like me, go for this older guy like you that does all this? sometimes, it just keeps me wondering.

but i can't let go, because i've already fallen in hard. this is one thing i hate about myself, i let myself fall in too deep and i can't control everything. it's okay right .. i wanted to be in a committed relationship and i chose to be with you for that. this is just how relationships are right?

i'm not your mom, i'm your girlfriend, so i should be that. i'm just supposed to be with you, and love you, i'm not supposed to tell you what not to do because thats what your mom needs to do. BUT SINCE, I KNOW, THAT YOU AND YOUR MOM AREN'T THAT OKAY. i'm just trying to fill in that little spot of hers that'll sermon you, that'll tell you whats best for you. but that's not even my job .. so i'll quit it now, i'll just play that role how a girlfriend should be. a girlfriend is just a girl, who you like, and she likes you right? thats how she became that in the first place. so i'll just be that girlfriend, the girl who you like, and that likes you. thats all. i'll just try not to tell you what to do anymore.








what i really actually hope for is that you'll understand why i'm getting mad at you for the things you do.


PS. don't take advantage of me, just because you know i'll always be here sticking by you. you don't know, maybe with whatever you do, i'll actually leave. so don't think that i'll always come running back, cos maybe you might be the first person i leave and never come back. just keep that in mind.